Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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