Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
