Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
