What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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