took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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