Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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