Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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