dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize