Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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