She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
