Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't deserve a penis
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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