everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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