If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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