If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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