My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
