I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
