That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Acid is not a monday night drug
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
