I need help removing her.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
