I feel like abortions should bother me more
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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