is wine microwaveable?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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