U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
