I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
