My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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