Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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