The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
