He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize