I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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