Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
