Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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