I will die if light touches me.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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