I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
