My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize