3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We talked him into tasing himself.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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