Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
