What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
