I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
