Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
