Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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