I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
