I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
