At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
