Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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