I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
