Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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