I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
