So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
