Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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