I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
