u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize