If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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