ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
