i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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