at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
