The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I want to fling myself into the sun
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
