his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
