it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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