I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
