Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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