??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i think i have two assholes
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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