Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
