Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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