Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
