we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
