we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
