Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
