i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
