Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
