When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
