...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
