Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
