you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
time to smoke my breakfast
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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