I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
