Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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