Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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