Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Dick very happy bro
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
