oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
