I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
